


Charmolypi

by xuhei



Series: For When You Can't Sleep [4]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: F/M, I guess it's a bit angsty idk, i think!!, this is cute okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-20
Updated: 2018-10-20
Packaged: 2019-08-04 19:48:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16353107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xuhei/pseuds/xuhei
Summary: Like, come on Jeno, shut up and ask her out already if you’re that hung up over it. She’ll say yes because you’re not that bad of a person and you’re not ugly. There’s people at school like Kun and Yuta but you’re just as good as them if you really think about it. Kind of. Except I didn’t actually know I liked you that way.





	Charmolypi

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this ages ago because I think Jeno is the type 100% to have a silent crush on someone and not know what to do. rip

_ To a perfect someone I could never really choose a perfect nickname for, _

_ I know that I’ve been distant lately. Did you notice? I hope that you did because otherwise I might seem like I have a problem with you. Which of course I don’t, I wouldn’t ever. Even when you accidentally pushed me over and almost broke my arm I still was asking the people in the hospital when I could leave so I could see you.  _

_ Actually do you remember that day? When we were really young and you still used to call me cute and pet my hair because I reminded you of my cats? I’m glad that it happened even if I was in so much pain with my arm (thanks by the way) and could barely move my hand without wanting to go back in time because you had pushed me over and caused all of this. God if I could have hated you I would have because that is the most pain I’ve ever been in, but I couldn’t. Even if I told you I did, I didn’t.  _

_ I guess that was the first time I asked myself something. Obviously it was different to how I would say it now. We were 11 and I thought ‘love’ was playing video games still, as well as playing with whatever phone I could get my hands on. But that day I asked myself how do I tell you that I like you even after the pain you’ve put me through? _

_ Anyway, I’m glad it happened. I’m glad I went through that pain because it brought me closer to you. Albeit you were spending so much time with me because I couldn’t write with my not broken arm…hand…and still had homework to do. I tried to tell myself that it was because you liked spending time with me, even if it was over maths homework and stupid English work which I never paid attention to.  _

_ But we spent so much time together that you basically become my routine. I’d wake up in the morning and see you twenty minutes later and we’d go to the bus stop together and end up at school together and we’d go out separate ways. Then you’d meet me after school and we’d walk to the bus stop and you’d come back to mine, my parents would invite you to stay for dinner and we’d do homework together.  _

_ There was no me without you then and somehow I liked it so much, that I wished I would have actually broke my arm so that you would have had to be part of my routine for longer. The day when I got the all clear on my arm, I found myself asking one of the nurses about you, how do I tell you that you’ve become my best friend? _

_ Well, anyway, you’ve been my best friend since then even if I didn’t tell you. Did you know that? I don’t think you did. You see I didn’t tell you because I know you preferred Jaemin over me because he was friendly and he liked the same subjects as you. I hate English and Jaemin loves it, and you two would have so much fun together and I wouldn’t know what to say because my English was so bad. That’s why I got a tutor. Not because my grades were falling. You know my cousin Jaehyun used to live in America so he would always help me when I was stuck.  _

_ I never told you about my tutor. His name is Mark, he’s only a year older than us and he is friends with Jaehyun too. He was surprised that I asked him to tutor me in English because when I was talking to him my English was fine. We were talking for almost ten minutes in English only before he stopped me and asked me “are you serious?”. Mark kind of worked it out before I ever did, that the reason I couldn’t speak English around you was because I was nervous.  _

_ I’m not quite sure what I was nervous of or for, but it’s probably because you were so passionate and I wanted to impress you so badly. Like I thought Jaemin did all the time. When he’d answer you in perfect English you’d smile so wide and I wanted to make you smile but I was worried I wouldn’t. I was worried I couldn’t be perfect for you. So I asked Mark about you too, how do I tell you that I want to make you smile all the time? _

_ So we’re 16 now. I’m still mad at Jaemin because you think he’s your best friend but I’m working on it. My dumb ass can’t see that you blow Jaemin off for me all the time for me, that when the older boys would ask you question after question you’d bring my name up to get them to leave you alone. Actually, that may be because everyone is scared of Jaehyun’s friend Johnny. I think you had a bit of a crush on him when we went to that party Jaehyun had for his birthday. I saw the way you were looking at him and yes it made me jealous but somehow it meant less to me than it did with Jaemin. Either way, I wished after that I was taller like Johnny. That I scared people away who were messing with you.  _

_ But we’re talking about Jaemin. You two going out together annoyed the hell out of me. I didn’t know about Renjun being there, if I did I probably wouldn’t have thought so much of it. One night I just laid awake staring at the ceiling because I couldn’t sleep. I know how sad it sounds, some 16 year old boy laying alone in bed thinking about how he wishes he was with the girl of his dreams instead of her friends. I really just convinced myself that you were dating Jaemin somehow. It sounds stupid now. Like, come on Jeno, shut up and ask her out already if you’re that hung up over it. She’ll say yes because you’re not that bad of a person and you’re not ugly. There’s people at school like Kun and Yuta but you’re just as good as them if you really think about it. Kind of. Except I didn’t actually know I liked you that way.  _

_ It was Donghyuck who told me, actually. I didn’t like talking to him about things involving you because since we were younger he always teased me about you. Apparently he saw something that I didn’t because he’s known since we were 12 or 13 that I had a thing for you. I was sitting in the library waiting for you (I was early because I was annoyed you were spending the hour before with Jaemin, which I should apologise for, I didn’t know he had a date at the same time you were meeting me which he was nervous for) and Donghyuck came over to talk to me. He asked why I looked so mad and when I said I wasn’t, he was like, it’s her isn’t it?  _

_ The fact he didn’t need to say your name made everything a bit obvious. I said that you had nothing to do with it and Donghyuck only smirked and said “exactly”. Nothing to do with it…you were everything to do with it. I had expected Donghyuck to tease me a little but he didn’t. I think he realised that I didn’t even know I had feelings beyond friendship for you. But I asked Donghyuck this time about you, how do I tell you that I want to spend all the time I have in the world with you? _

_ Do you remember when we went to Seoul together? We got the bus from near to your house early in the morning. You were tired, it didn’t take a genius to realise because literally as soon as we sat down on the bus you fell asleep on my shoulder and it literally made my heart stop. I didn’t know what to do. I’d never had a girlfriend before and it scared me to have my heart beating so quickly for the first time ever. I didn’t even want to wake you up because you looked so peaceful and at some point, I’m sure you don’t even remember, you had your hand around my arm and god you’re so warm?  _

_ We spent the whole day looking at shops and I’ve never had a better day. I don’t care about shopping, I didn’t buy anything for me, but watching your eyes light up at different highlighters in Etude House and the video games in Yongsan just made me so happy. I can’t explain it very well really. You’d have to be in my position to understand how I felt, even in the slightest.  _

_ I know you were so mad at me for buying you lunch because you didn’t want me to spend my money on you, but I would give you everything I ever had if I could. Just so you know. Hold me to this in the future, but it’s unlikely I’ll ever say no to you. You’re really cute. You’re really… you’re perfect. How do I tell you that I think you’re perfect? _

_ So that one time I asked you to watch a movie with me. I knew it was really late but I still wanted you to come because we hadn’t seen a movie together in ages. That and you had mentioned when we were in registration you wanted to see the movie so I bought some tickets that night and asked you to come with. Thank god you said yes because I was not looking forward to taking Chenle. He’s so loud in cinemas, did you know? It was so much better being with you.  _

_ Because you’re quieter, for starters. But also because when something funny would happen on screen you’d look back to me to see if I was laughing and we’d meet eyes for a moment and you’d look away even happier. I know you were happy because I was laughing too but I tried to tell myself it was because you caught me staring at you. I’m so whipped for you. I would do anything for you.  _

_ Like, for example, walk you all the way home at 11pm knowing my parents would murder me for being out so late on a school night. Yes we were 17 but… you know my parents always wanted me to do well. I wanted to do well for you too, so we could go to the same university and it would be like one of those cliche love stories where eventually we started dating. But whatever. I knew you’d go somewhere different to me so I just accepted it.  _

_ The film was so long and the entire time I was thinking about you so I can’t remember what even happened. I kept looking over to you and boy oh boy do I wish I would have asked you on a proper date because the one question I couldn’t get over was how do I tell you that I want to hold your hand? _

_ I didn’t ask you nor hold your hand, as you know, I just got really awkward. I think it was because I saw on your phone you were texting some boy from Mark’s year at school called Lucas and I got really jealous again. Especially because of Lucas, he’s practically the perfect guy for girls. Tall, low voice, good at sport, could probably bench press you… I’m sure even Jisung has a crush on him now since everyone loves Lucas and you, of all people, are friends with him. It made me mad and I didn’t know what to say.  _

_ But I walked you home and I wished that we could have stopped along the way so we could talk more. I kept looking down to your lips and I’m sure you realised that I was doing it because you started blushing a little. Whatever. We got to your door and you said goodbye but I didn’t want to say goodbye so when you walked away I called you back and I just stared at you with wide eyes not exactly sure what to say. How do I tell you that I want to kiss you right now?  _

_ As it turns out you’re friends with Lucas because you both do Chinese together. You want to be better friends with Chenle so you’re learning Chinese for him and that’s really sweet, actually. I wasn’t surprised to hear it but it was a reminder of how good of a person you are and how much better you can do than me. Of course better comes in the form of a guy who is older than Lucas but best friends with him.  _

_ Jungwoo is cute, I guess. I don’t see what you see in him but I get it. Older guys are nice. I don’t even know if you’re dating him but I’ve seen the way that he looks at you. It’s…like I look at you really. I don’t know if you noticed that or not but I certainly did. He’s shy like me… he’s a lot like me actually. I see a bit of myself in him and it took me a while to realise that you didn’t look at Jungwoo the same way he looked at you. I have to thank Doyoung for that though.  _

_ I talk to Doyoung about you all the time actually. Doyoung is like an older brother to me and he knows everything there is to know about you because I tell him about you. How your ears go a little red when anyone talks about you. How your eyes shine when you’re talking about something you’re interested in. The way you whack my arm when you’re laughing and how you’re not afraid to talk to anyone. Let’s not forget to mention the way you’re so effortlessly beautiful. It makes me intimidated a little. How can someone be so absolutely perfect? _

_ Doyoung says to me one thing though. He thinks they call it charmolypi, the me getting so sad thinking about how happy you make me. I think it’s more than that. It made sense after he said what he had to say. I’ve always pushed the thought to the back of my head when it came forward. But he’s right and there’s just one question I really need to ask myself, to work out too.  _

_ How do I tell you that I’m in love with you?  _

_ Your best friend, _

_ Jeno. _

_ p.s. sorry about being distant. I only just worked out how to answer my question. _

**Author's Note:**

> guys this is rlly weird but if you have ever thought about having a tarot reading I have a listing up on fiver if you wanna jump on it? I've done this loads for people and I never usually like to ask people for money for it but my student loan was reduced this year to literally just cover my rent so I thought maybe I could start doing this for people?? yeah I rlly don't want people to feel like they have to but if you've ever been interested! https://www.fiverr.com/users/stellexerunt/manage_gigs


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